


The Lance Hunter Project

by multifandomcircusfreak



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fitzsimmons are prank masters, hinted/background Tripskye, team bus friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-03-11
Packaged: 2018-03-15 16:40:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3454268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifandomcircusfreak/pseuds/multifandomcircusfreak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fitzsimmons try to up their game this April Fool's Day, and get everyone to convince Lance Hunter that they had never gotten together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jemma Simmons laid on her shared bed, with her head resting on her husband’s lap. They were currently brainstorming what to do for April Fool’s Day, bouncing ideas off of each other as Fitz recorded it on a pad of paper.

“Moving everything in Skye’s bunk one inch to the left?” Fitz offered.

“No, we got her last year. It’s someone else’s turn.” Jemma replied cooly, the gears in her brain turning.

“We haven’t pranked Bobbi yet.”

She scoffed. “I, for one, don’t have a death wish.” She looked up at him, a grin appearing on her face. “I’m waiting for the right time with her.”

Fitz chuckled at her devious expression. “Fine, fine. We need easy prey, motivation, and an idea…”

At his words, something in Jemma’s head clicked into place. “I’ve got an idea!”

She adjusted her position so that she was sitting up beside him, and as she moved, he spoke. “I know that I should be happy about that, given our current circumstances… but the last time you said that, we were stuck on inventory duty for two weeks straight in the aftermath.”

Jemma laughed at the grimace he gave at the memory. “No, no, this one is much better, I promise. It even has to do with the topic.”

Fitz held up his pen and notepad meaningfully, in a gesture for her to continue. “I’m listening,” he stated.

She cleared her voice and put on her most professional scientist voice, placing her hands primly in her lap and sitting up tall. “I propose that we prank Lance Hunter this year. He is probably one of the most moldable agents on this base, and if we had everyone in on whatever we’re planning, easy prey-”

“Check,” Fitz finished for her.

Jemma smiled at her husband, planting a deliberate kiss on his cheek. Oh, how much fun it was to plot schemes with a spouse. And people said marriage was boring.... Those poor souls were missing out. 

“Motivation… Oh, that’s easy. That time he made us play messenger for him and Bobbi so that they wouldn’t have to talk is still fresh in my mind.”

“Or the time framed me for bringing the grumpy cat mug,” Fitz added.

“Remember that time he interrupted our date because he locked himself out of his bunk and needed us to reset the keypad?”

Fitz groaned in response. “ _Yes._ Motivation - check.” 

Jemma was about to propose possible pranks when a single knock came from the other side of their door. 

“You guys aren’t making out - or more, are you?” Skye’s voice questioned. The precaution would have been a nice plan, but the fact that she was already entering the room made it kind of invalid. 

“Hey, Skye,” Jemma greeted, as Fitz held up a hand in salute. 

Skye checked the tablet that she held in the crook of her arm. “Briefing in five. Coulson’s planning some sort of schedule rearrangement.”

“Why?” Fitz asked.

The hacker shrugged. “Dunno. That was all he told me. I doubt it’s that important, he just wants everyone to know it’s happening.”

“Maybe he’s doing it to stop any repetitions of the Ryan/Lucy thing.” 

Jemma distinctly remembered when two of the younger lab workers had started dating. Everyone did. Coulson had lowered the fraternization policy, but this incident had made him bring back a few rules about PDA and doing your job despite a relationship. Ryan and Lucy had started making out in the back of the lab during work hours, sneaking off during shifts to visit each other in different parts of the building, and generally being a distraction. The whole thing had caused massive backlog in the science division and with all of their messing with schedules, the time slots were practically useless.

“Ugh, if it’ll stop something like that from happening again, I’m game,” Skye agreed. “We had to sit through an hour of Coulson’s lecturing about _doing your job_ and _public displays of affection_. It was awful. And, I had to come up with new timeslots for everyone.”

“Yeah, well, _we_ -” Fitz continued, gesturing to himself and Jemma. “Had to work overtime to pick up their slack.”

“Hey!” Skye protested. “I had to recreate _and_ redistribute those schedules!”

“We’re going to be late,” was all Jemma said. She wasn’t going to be pulled into their argument about who was affected more. If anything, she wanted to stop it altogether. “Let’s go.”

She entwined her and Fitz’s fingers and pulled him along after her, and Skye followed suit. Soon, they were beside the rest of their teammates, standing around the holotable. Coulson walked in, and began to tell the agents what the meeting was about. Sure enough, like Jemma had predicted, it was about scheduling.

“As all of you know,” Coulson started. “I was forced to put two young agents on probation and short term suspension due to their actions in the workplace regarding PDA and disregarding the schedules. Though we’ve already had a meeting about that first bit, I’m just going to remind everyone about our policies.”

He continued talking about relationships on the base and what was appropriate. Jemma was pleased to discover that she and Fitz hadn’t broken any rules. She prided herself about how unobnoxious their relationship was, though when they’d first started dating Skye had frequently accused them of being ‘too cute’. That hadn’t stopped though. The majority of the proof that they were together happened when they were alone, or when they were with the team, but in a casual setting. Making suggestive comments in the lab and holding hands or kissing cheeks on their way to and from meetings weren’t that bad. 

“Now, I’d ask everyone to please stop sneaking off from your duties. Especially to make out. Skye is handing out the new schedules, which are designed to improve efficiency. Whatever effect they have on relationships is necessary.”

Skye gave everybody in the room an identical piece of paper. When one was placed in both Jemma and Fitz’s hands, they skimmed over it and turned to each other.

“This isn’t that bad,” Jemma commented. 

“Probably because we usually just spend our days in the lab anyway. The only time we’re not there is either for missions or when I’m helping out in the garage,” Fitz said back, his eyes roaming the page. “Who are you with for inventory?”

“Hmm… Bobbi and Skye. Oh, that’ll be fun.”

“I’ve got Mack and Hunter. At least Bobbi and Hunter are separated. The groups are of three, and I hate being the one stuck in a room with those two.”

“I agree.”

Across the room, they heard Hunter arguing with Coulson. “Well, we can’t all be Fitzsimmons! I’m pretty sure their work _is_ their relationship!”

The director rolled his eyes. “Fitzsimmons don’t sneak off during their shift. They’re always five steps ahead of their quota.”

Jemma sent a glance at her husband, and saw that he was looking at her with the exact same expression. Well… they were always five steps ahead of their quota. They weren’t innocent when it came to sneaking off, though. It was rare, but it happened. They just hadn’t been _caught_.

Coulson walked out, followed immediately by May and Bobbi. Hunter, their unknowing soon-to-be-victim, crossed his arms and huffed. Looking at the two scientists, he questioned grumpily, “How are you two so _perfectly married_? Coulson thinks so, at least.”

“Hey, we can’t help it,” Fitz smiled.

“Yeah, well, you guys get your scheduled all perfectly matched up because of it. I’m not that lucky.”

“Maybe you should have thought about that before you started sneaking off with Bobbi on a regular basis to go fladoodle,” Skye called from where she was standing near the opposite wall with Trip.

“You’re not exactly subtle, either,” Jemma added. “You don’t even clear the security tapes when you sneak into all of your dark corners and SUVs. Are you even trying to hide it?”

“I’m not exactly thinking about disabling security cameras when I’m about to hook up, okay?”

Jemma saw Fitz smirk beside her. He’d designed a button on a key-chain that would automatically transmit a loop of whatever room they were in when he pressed it, so that they wouldn’t have to bother.

“Honestly, you guys are _too_ adorable. Sometimes I wonder if that no-talking angst or pre-dating sexual tension you had would be better than this _cuteness_ ,” Hunter grumbled.

At those words, Jemma found the last piece of their April Fool’s Day scheme. She had an idea.


	2. Chapter 2

When Fitz felt himself being quickly tugged out of the room, he was very confused. Jemma pulled him into the hallway, and he could practically see the gears in her head turning.

“What is it?” he asked playfully.

She grinned mischievously at him. “I’ve got it,” Jemma informed.

“Yeah? Tell me.”

Her grin widened, and she placed her hands on his shoulders, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Hunter’s comment…. inspired me. How he was talking about how he’d prefer the old us. Sexual tension and all.”

Not seeing where this was going, Fitz asked her to elaborate.

“What if we pretend we never got married? We could get everyone in on it, make him so confused that he loses his mind. Just for the day. Then we act like it never happened.”

Fitz smirked at his wife. “I like the way you think.”

Jemma’s expression changed into something that never failed to make him weak in the knees. Her eyes darkened for a moment, and she smiled a smile that was both devious and affectionate. “Probably why you married me,” she said in a low voice, and with that, she turned on her heels and walked back to where they’d just come from.

Oh, she was right. She also knew exactly what she was doing.

 _She must get off on it,_ he thought as he followed her.

***

“So let me get this straight,” Skye commented, after hearing her friends’ plan. “You want me to help you two convince Hunter that you never started dating or got married. Just for one day.”

Fitz glanced at Jemma, who smirked, before turning back to all of their teammates. “Yep.”

Skye clapped her hands and jumped up and down, borderline squealing. “You nerds! Finally you come up with an _actual_ complicated prank! Would’ve thought you two geniuses would be better at this.”

“We’re actually quite good at pranks, we just haven’t been inspired recently,” Fitz responded defensively.

Skye raised an eyebrow. “Sure…”

“So, how does this work?” Bobbi interjected. “What’s our job?”

“Well,” Simmons explained. “We - Fitz and I, that is - are going to act the way we did before our relationship. I’m sure you all remember the way that was.”

Everybody groaned in unison. Apparently, they remembered.

“Your job,” she continued, “is to go along with it. Pretend we’re still not together. If you all do your part, and act like you would around us before we started dating, Hunter will have one hell of an April Fool’s Day. Understood?”

The entire room nodded. Coulson spoke next. “Jemma, you’re not exactly the best liar… Are _you_ prepared?”

“Sir, I only panic when I don’t know what to do. I’m well aware of the plan, and I know exactly, in great detail, what I was like two years ago. I’m fine,” she confirmed. “Plus, Fitz thinks I can do it. Don’t you, love?”

Fitz crossed his arms, looking very amused. “I do. But I think that it’ll be funny either way.”

Jemma playfully punched her husband’s arm, making him laugh. “Everybody in?” she asked.

“Oh, I’m in!” Skye exclaimed. “This’ll be fun.”

“I’m in, too,” Bobbi laughed. “Messing with Hunter is my favourite hobby.”

“I’m up for it,” Trip added, chuckling and shaking his head.

Coulson, May, and Mack all agreed to be a part of the plan, and Jemma couldn’t stop herself from grinning. She wouldn’t trade her relationship with Fitz, or her slightly more stable life, for anything, but this would definitely be a prank worth remembering. She was glad that that was all it was, though. A prank. She wouldn’t be able to go back to that awkwardness, silence, and a little later, after they’d made up, sexual tension. That _really_ wouldn’t do. Especially that last one…

“Then now,” Jemma announced, taking Fitz’s hand in her own. “We plot.”


	3. Chapter 3

Fitzsimmons went to sleep and woke up in different beds. Jemma admitted in her head that she missed the warmth and comfort that she had so gotten used to. She used to sleep in the bed she moved to that night - it had once been her old bunk, but how she had been so content there, all by herself, she now had no clue. The sheets felt cold, the mattress too empty and spacious - wow, she would have never thought she’d find herself thinking that when she had first moved to the bus - and the lack of her husband’s arm around her had felt lonely. 

But it was all worth it when she caught a glimpse of Hunter’s confused face when she exited her former bunk, all alone.

While she got ready for the day, she racked her brain for her behaviour a year ago. She didn’t like thinking back to those painful and confusing times, when she had lost her best friend and thought that he hated her again, but it was for a good cause. Images of broken smiles, awkwardness, and _lots_ of blushing flooded her mind. Yeah, she could do this. It was already there.

At breakfast she managed to remember their plan and not feel genuinely sad when Fitz walked into the kitchen, took one look at her, and walked back out. She also managed to keep a straight face when Hunter looked at her with a shocked expression.

Bobbi entered and sat beside Hunter (thank goodness she wasn’t alone anymore), who opened his mouth to speak. “Marital problems?” he asked in a teasing voice, with a deeper layer of actual curiosity and sympathy.

 _Stick to the plan,_ Jemma thought, and Bobbi nodded at her from out of Hunter’s line of sight.

“What?” she blushed.

“Did you and your husband finally break your perfect marriage streak?” he commented, gesturing to Jemma with his piece of toast. “See, I knew it was coming. Nobody can be so wonderfully cute for so long.”

“M - _married_?” she demanded in false shock. “Wherever did you g - get that idea?”

“Yeah, Hunter,” Bobbi added. “Did you hit your head when we sparred again? You’re supposed to tell me.”

“ _No,_ ” he emphasized. “I did not hit my head. Fitzsimmons have been married for months! Their last names are now legally Fitz-Simmons!”

“I don’t feel that way about Fitz, and he doesn’t even speak to me,” Jemma murmured, enjoying the way it was working.

“You sure about that? Because the I’ve heard you two, and if the _excessive volume_ does not mean you like him, then you definitely are more horny than I thought you were.”

Jemma opened her mouth to say something, but he kept going. She ducked her head down and averted eye contact in a way that would seem shy.

“And you two talk all the time! _At_ the same time! About weirdo science stuff and gossip about everyone!”

“Hunter!” Bobbi exclaimed.

“And maybe you didn’t use to talk when I first met you two together, but that was two years ago!”

“I wish it was just a thing of the past. I want him back more than anything... “ she said softly. “I should probably, um, go now. Bobbi, tell me if he doesn’t snap out of it. He either had a very convincing dream or he’s suffering from delusion.”

“Oh, I will,” she confirmed.

Jemma nodded solemnly and walked out of the room. Behind her, she heard the sound of Bobbi slapping Hunter’s arm and scolding him “What the hell is up with you? You made her upset!”

Once she was sure she was out of sight, Jemma punched the air triumphantly. Maybe once this was all over, Hunter would be less whiny about her marriage and the way she and Fitz supposedly _eye-fladoodled_ or whatever word Skye had used when telling Jemma about one of her conversations/involuntary complaining sessions with Hunter.

This was going pretty well.


End file.
